Tonight my pastor taught from Ephesians 5:21-33. About marriage and the distinctive roles that God designed for marriage. It was such an enlightening sermon. My son who is 14 years old even leaned over to tell me he was enjoying the service.
This has been a subject that used to make me uncomfortable and even sad. Sometimes resentful because I not only was not married but VERY single with no reasonable prospects.
Tonight was a sure sign that I have grown. I loved hearing about the gift of marriage. This made me realize that I have truly maximized my season of singleness.
I’m not going to drop notes from the sermon but I will share what it sparked me to think about and how I was inspired by God’s word.
Have you maximized your season of singleness?
What does this mean and entail?
These are ways I’ve managed to maximize my season of singleness.
1) Understanding who I am as a woman. My strengths and weaknesses and everything in between. I’ve had to work out a lot of my unhealthy patterns, and behaviors to fully heal and make room for the best to enter in my life and fill spaces that were formerly cluttered by my junk. Become an expert on everything about YOU!
2) Spiritual, physical, mental and emotional c
leansing. I had to purge and relearn ways of thinking, interacting and growing in order to be able to now offer that special someone the best of me versus that little girl who adapted to dysfunction and whatever was cool for the moment.
3) Realistic and clear expectations. I know people say not to put expectations on others however there should always be an element of mutual respect and integrity in the dating process whether ya’ll are “just talking” or full on courting. It’s best to speak your needs and desires directly and early in the game and not assume that he or she has the same intentions that you do.
4) Just say no and get out as soon as the red flags pop up!!!!!!!! DO NOT ignore, rationalize or enable bad or questionable behavior because this will lead down the road of disaster and damage either to you or both parties. This also includes no more wasting time on the “I’m not sure” or “not really ready for a relationship” wanna sleep with me but indicisive about being in a committed relationship type of guy as well!
5) Instead of complaining about being on my own I focus on being in gratitude and happy that I’m not in an abusive, unfaithful, he’s lazy and can’t keep a job, just for IG likes, crappy relationship and all of these can be simultaneous or stand alone but still suck and are unhealthy!
6) Being a single mother and raising my son as a Christian without having anyone that is not on the same page interfere with my parenting. I have witnessed too many instances where parents are unevenly yoked and have conflicts on parenting styles and faith. No one is going to agree 100 % however too many differences & lack of compromise is a bad deal when raising kids.
7) I have embraced my independence but I’m ready to submit to a man that can lead me properly spiritually. I’ve always been a strong, independent woman and I know this has been a problem for some men. A man that wants to control me instead of appreciate my gifts and support of him as a leader is a no no for me.
8) I recognize a Godly man for who he is and someone who is not solid for who he is and believe me I waste no time putting the breaks on when necessary. I know I said this is similar to what I said in #4 but I can’t stress this enough. No longer does it take me forever to realize this ain’t gonna be a good thing! I see it, I’m out! ✌🏿
9) My faith is no longer down the list somewhere. It’s first and if what he offers isn’t in line with that I just can’t entertain it. Spending time with God and realizing how much he loves me has evolved me into a powerhouse of self love and wisdom and tenacity. I’m wiser and stronger and able to help other’s on a higher level of authenticity and compassion because I took the time to let God do what he needed to do within me. I know someone reading this may be struggling with their faith, being single or may not believe in God but the truth is he loves you and wants the best for you anyway and his love is free, no cost and all benefits.
10) Last but not least I started my own business! On my own. I’m proud of the fact that I didn’t rely on a man to contribute financially or be an obstruction to my journey. When you have a purpose to fulfill you can’t have any distractions or anything that is not ordained by God otherwise you hinder your mission. I’m no where near where I’m supposed to be but I’m so grateful that God raised me up to the place I am now.
Maximizing your season of singleness will look different for everyone because we all have a unique purpose. What I want to encourage you as a single person to do is stop crying and feeling sorry for yourself. Stop being mad at God, your ex or whoever and focus on your growth and the hidden blessings that are lining this golden path like glittery diamond gems for you to pick up and treasure along the way. You can have it goin on! Without a partner until God brings you your true life companion.
Getting It Together Coaching & Consulting, LLC 